Sharing random thoughts from a Facebook post of three years back, and a connected one further below from last night…
December 28, 2014
My Dire Need: My husband often tells me, sometimes embarrassedly, much to my impatience, that friends repeatedly ask him on reading my FB posts, if I’m alright and if all’s well with me. All I wish to convey, to my supposed well wishers out there via this post is, I am just as well, happy, or distressed as you or anyone else in this world. I do not write to vent my feelings, but to hopefully make a little difference to someone out there in the world who might be going through an anguish or experience I might have undergone at some time and am in a better position to appreciate.
Needless to say, I never preach what I have not undergone myself, or at least seriously thought about – thus my accompanying views with every post, however fanciful a quote, picture or words may appear to me. In fact, I never write about what I am going through in the present, but would have had to have that thought or experience at some time to be inspired to write about it. So much so that, I’ve posted on beauty and confidence building, humorous posts, sitting in my mother’s hospital room right after her 3rd stroke, when I was gripped with fear and anguish, that she would not make it through this time. Those who knew my condition then might again have thought I was going crazy to post such frivolity.
Also, after two decades of working and making myself productive every day of my life, now that I’m writing full-time which is a very lonely job and one which would take a long time to show result, I find the need to make myself productive to society in a small way, till I can do so in a larger way through the release of my subsequent book/work.
So my posts are my dire need to be of service to the community, however minutely, to feel useful in some way. But over and above, to keep my thinking cap on all the time and practice my writing skills, through delving into as diverse thoughts as possible, even as I slog page after page on my novel, over a single thought perhaps.
Three years later…December 28, 2017:
This Fb memory came up, just when I’m summing up all that I’ve written in the last decade! 😊 For the last 6 months I’ve been repeatedly reading, editing…then proofreading…now finally scanning through the typeset versions of 4 of my books readying for their release shortly.
If you have an inkling of the kind of emotionally intense topics and thoughts my writing/work comprises, you might understand that I’m a bundle of live wire, high strung psychological nerves now. Actors go into severe depression after playing one intense character…or a novelist from few characters in one serious novel. Here I’m living under the skin of several I created in 4 books simultaneously, especially so in the last 6 months.
Yet I have been entertaining you with my numerous photo posts for the last weeks, from my Goa trip, when I feel crazier than I did in my entire life, or like a zombie as I do this morning – staring into space from mental fatigue. I’ve been using photography to distract me from the sea of words I’m floating in and nature is the best healer…That also explains the passion. 😊
Anyways, to sum this up…never try to gauge the current mental and emotional condition of a fiction writer from what they’ve just written🤓…it’s like thinking an actor is reliving his current life for you through his latest film. Yet he has to draw inspiration from lifelong experiences to be any good at what he projects.
6th June, 2021… After two years of it and at the peak of the coronavirus lockdown.
By: Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow it’s mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
Sharing this poem now, with the profound thoughts below that’s been disturbing me a lot lately…
When there’s so much suffering, grief, pain and panic all around you…You aren’t even allowed to be sad, and mourn, without people reminding you that – all around you, this and that person and so many persons have been suffering and have died, so it’s alright!
Every other social media post reminds you that someone has lost someone dear. And yet pain and grief are very personal feelings and only those of us who are frivolous enough to look at other people for our happiness deem it fit to consider that if ten people around you are in pain it can lessen your own!
I want to ask you – especially those who haven’t lost anyone dear recently – if everyone around you dies or is dying – would you find solace in the fact that you are not in that count, or even that you are in that count and it doesn’t matter as you have much company.
That you and those who meant the whole world to you are just another number in the statistical count of the world’s dead – reported in the media – are you supposed to lose your own personal right to mourn!
We all need our own personal time and space to mourn, heal, resuscitate and move on in life – and no one has the right to take that right away from us.
So let’s stop making light of another person’s loss just because there is mass loss and destruction – and you were not in that count as yet!