Sharing random thoughts from a Facebook post of three years back, and a connected one further below from last night…
December 28, 2014
My Dire Need: My husband often tells me, sometimes embarrassedly, much to my impatience, that friends repeatedly ask him on reading my FB posts, if I’m alright and if all’s well with me. All I wish to convey, to my supposed well wishers out there via this post is, I am just as well, happy, or distressed as you or anyone else in this world. I do not write to vent my feelings, but to hopefully make a little difference to someone out there in the world who might be going through an anguish or experience I might have undergone at some time and am in a better position to appreciate.
Needless to say, I never preach what I have not undergone myself, or at least seriously thought about – thus my accompanying views with every post, however fanciful a quote, picture or words may appear to me. In fact, I never write about what I am going through in the present, but would have had to have that thought or experience at some time to be inspired to write about it. So much so that, I’ve posted on beauty and confidence building, humorous posts, sitting in my mother’s hospital room right after her 3rd stroke, when I was gripped with fear and anguish, that she would not make it through this time. Those who knew my condition then might again have thought I was going crazy to post such frivolity.
Also, after two decades of working and making myself productive every day of my life, now that I’m writing full-time which is a very lonely job and one which would take a long time to show result, I find the need to make myself productive to society in a small way, till I can do so in a larger way through the release of my subsequent book/work.
So my posts are my dire need to be of service to the community, however minutely, to feel useful in some way. But over and above, to keep my thinking cap on all the time and practice my writing skills, through delving into as diverse thoughts as possible, even as I slog page after page on my novel, over a single thought perhaps.
Three years later…December 28, 2017:
This Fb memory came up, just when I’m summing up all that I’ve written in the last decade! 😊 For the last 6 months I’ve been repeatedly reading, editing…then proofreading…now finally scanning through the typeset versions of 4 of my books readying for their release shortly.
If you have an inkling of the kind of emotionally intense topics and thoughts my writing/work comprises, you might understand that I’m a bundle of live wire, high strung psychological nerves now. Actors go into severe depression after playing one intense character…or a novelist from few characters in one serious novel. Here I’m living under the skin of several I created in 4 books simultaneously, especially so in the last 6 months.
Yet I have been entertaining you with my numerous photo posts for the last weeks, from my Goa trip, when I feel crazier than I did in my entire life, or like a zombie as I do this morning – staring into space from mental fatigue. I’ve been using photography to distract me from the sea of words I’m floating in and nature is the best healer…That also explains the passion. 😊
Anyways, to sum this up…never try to gauge the current mental and emotional condition of a fiction writer from what they’ve just written🤓…it’s like thinking an actor is reliving his current life for you through his latest film. Yet he has to draw inspiration from lifelong experiences to be any good at what he projects.